You've Got A Friend

          Friends are wonderful.  Really good friends are exceptional.  Locking your car keys inside your car is dumb but it all works out if you have at least one of the former.

          These days I usually hit the gym as the chickens are just waking up and before every muscle bound gentleman can commandeer all the equipment to show off his body building prowess.  I suppose I could excuse my dumbness by suggesting that I’m half asleep, but that wouldn’t be true.  Just dumb dedumb dumb dumb.

          My car is an ancient model.  Not quite a covered wagon but not far off.  It does not open and close with lights flashing and bips from a key fob but uses the time honored ‘key in door lock’ system to open the doors and a quick thump with the side of the hand to lock them.

          I’m still shaking my head at my ability to glance around and ensure all the doors were locked then lean down to pick up my gym bag while placing the car keys on the passenger seat.  Why did I do that?  It’s not like they were heavy.

          Then, a dainty hop and skip out of the car, slam the door and stare open-mouthed at the keys still sitting on the seat inside the now locked car.

          Immediate panic mode!  What to do?  I knew I had another car key at home.  But ooops, my garage door opener was sitting inside my locked car attached to the sun visor and now seemingly laughing at me.  I had no other keys with me with which to get into my house.

          Ah, but I had given a spare garage door opener to my neighbor.  I would call her and all would be well.  But alas, no.  My neighbor is one of those people who only has a cellphone.  A cellphone which is never on so messages are the only things that are transmitted.  Bummer!

          On the other hand, what did it matter? My gym is a good five miles from my house.  I wasn’t about to walk home…not with the skies threatening a downpour at any minute.  And even if I did?  What then?  Sit on the kerb looking like a homeless old bag lady? 

          But then I remembered I had access into my neighbor’s house for just such an emergency.  But at what was seemingly the crack of dawn, how was I going to get there? 

          I called a girlfriend hoping against hope the phone would not be answered by a very sleepy voice.  Thankfully she was up and about to have her first cup of coffee when I called.  Her immediate response to my blathering was:  ‘I’m on my way.  Be there in ten minutes tops.’

          A ride home, a quick break-in to my neighbor’s house to get my garage door opener, pick up the spare car key and a ride back…within 30 minutes all was well with the world.

          Some little while ago I wrote a post about “Mary” being a grand old name.  It could be said that my friend Mary is also a ‘grand old dame,’ but more than that, she is a first class lady with the most generous nature, particularly before 7 in the morning. Thank you, my friend.

Loving America

          Most Australians have always been madly in love with America and anything American, particularly the accent.  Before jet travel closed the gap between the two countries and travel became more readily available to everyone, Aussie’s based their idea of life in America on the movies and magazines.  Often stuff that was featured in one or the other was unavailable in Australia and therefore became a source of speculation and desire. 

          Young girls poured through the pages of hard to find American magazines like Seventeen to establish how they should dress and look.  They styled their hair into flips and shortened the legs of their pants so they could sport ‘capris’ and therefore more closely resemble their American cousins.

          Anyone lucky enough to spend a vacation touring around any part of California or even further East, arrived back in Australia with an American accent so thick it was easy to assume they’d been born and bred in the US of A.  Well, for at least a week or two until the accent slowly disappeared.  But for that week, they felt special and were often treated as celebrities.

          ‘Wow, you’ve got an American accent!’

          ‘Really?  Ya think so?  Well, I have just returned from the States.  I guess I must’ve inadvertently picked it up.  The Yanks sound like this all the time ya know.’ 

          This said with much rolling of ‘r’s and the chewing of gum to emphasis the point.

          I mentioned this love affair to an American I worked with in D.C. some years ago.  He had been debating spending a few days in Sydney on his way home from a business meeting in Singapore but was hesitant because he didn’t know any one in Sydney and would feel lost.  I must explain here that despite his business acumen, this man was extremely shy and the fact that, unfortunately, he looked like a run-over tennis shoe as well didn’t help matters.

          But knowing how Aussie’s adored Americans I told him that if he followed my instructions to the letter, he would meet some lovely, friendly people and have a ball in my favorite city, Sydney.  He did and he did.

          These are the specific instructions I gave him.  They can be used by any American visiting Australia and will have the same result.  Trust me!

          Start by standing on a busy, city street corner clutching a map of Sydney and look confused.  Within a few minutes an Aussie will stop and ask if you’re looking for directions to any particular place.  Tell him or her that you’re hoping to visit (insert name of place).  Make sure you string enough words together for the Helpful Aussie to hear your accent. 

          The HA will immediately brighten and ask:  ‘Oh, are you an American?’  A quick affirmative response and the doors are open for you to be the recipient of some overwhelming hospitality.

          Having established that you are indeed a ‘Yank,’ the HA will offer to drive you to your sightseeing destination, and will play tour guide for the duration.  Also, noting that you are alone in the city, he/she will invite you home for a backyard ‘barbie’ and to meet all their friends and neighbors.  This invitation is not as noble as it appears at first glance…having an American as their guest elevates them into special neighbor status in the eyes of everyone in their street and surrounds.

          If it happens to be the weekend, you’ll be invited to join your host/hostess in a game of golf at their club the next day, or if you’re not into sports, the offer will be to pick you up at your hotel and take you for a lengthy drive around the beaches and gorgeous suburbs of the city.  If there’s time in your schedule you’ll also be taken to a wildlife sanctuary so you can cuddle a koala or feed a kangaroo.

          And if you’ve made a real impression with your ‘Americaness,’ at the end of your stay you’ll be driven to the airport for your flight home with lots of ‘do write and come back soon’s.’

          But you don’t have to take my word for all this.  Let me know when you’re planning to visit Oz and I’ll make sure the cheering squad is waiting at the airport for you!  You’ll be glad you did.