Casting Call for Klutzes

          Apparently there are people today who have no concept of volume.  They will wildly pour a gallon of water into a teacup and wonder why there is water dripping onto the table.  The same sad group, for surely they must be the same group, think that jamming a big wallet into a small purse will somehow expand the latter into the size required without bursting its seams.  Maybe they are also the group who can be knocked to the floor with no more effort than a slight push unless they’re wearing a twenty dollar bracelet which has qualities that somehow give them the strength to withstand a tornado while standing on one leg.

          Why is it that marketing people think consumers are such ningnongs that unless a TV ad is completely over the top, we poor fools won’t get the message?  Is ramming stupidity down our throats really a great marketing tool?

          I can visualize a couple of TV producers and the marketing genius for a new customer sitting around a table ready to see the results of their casting call.   It could be for a water globe, an aluminum wallet, a magical bracelet or any one of a hundred different items; the product really doesn’t matter as long as the actors can be made to look like klutzes’ and are desperate for a job.

          ‘Now, I want you to hug ten pots and pans to your chest, a spatula between your teeth and a spoon in your hand,’ the TV guy instructs.  ‘I want you to look frustrated as you try to put them on the kitchen workbench.’

          Really?  Should the actor then also look like a twit because she couldn’t figure out that clutching all of her kitchen utensils to her body at one time was probably not the smartest way to pick out the most useful one to drain her spaghetti?

           And how about the guy with the horribly bent-out-of-shape credit card because he didn’t have an aluminum wallet?  How did that happen?  The last time I tried to dispose of a credit card I practically had to use an electric saw.  But this poor schnook apparently just sat on his.  So how big was his bum?

          I understand that TV ads are meant to be bigger, louder and sometimes even crazier than real life.  After all, they are supposed to grab our attention and make us salivate for the product advertised.  But couldn’t the marketers also consider the fact that viewers, therefore potential buyers, don’t want to be treated as idiots?

          Telling me that my eggs can line up looking like little bald heads if I use some cute plastic containers to cook them in is one thing.  Watching a woman unable to peel an egg without tearing the shell to pieces and ending up with something resembling a dog’s dinner is quite another.

          Those marketing hotshots might also want to take a closer look at the finished TV ads to ensure the scripted dialogue actually goes with the visual.  There is something a little upsetting with a middle-aged woman, sweat sitting on her top lip like a wet moustache, panting from exertion, saying: 

          ‘I lifted it and moved it all by myself.’

          And then what?  Was she rushed off to the hospital for hernia surgery?  She certainly looked like she was ready to drop.

          I know there are numerous actors who look on TV commercials as simply a job.  A paycheck in these hard economic times.  But come on TV producers and advertising bigwigs, they’ll never move on to bigger and better things while you guys are asking them to look like the greatest klutz’s on earth.  All the time asking us, your customers, to accept that people really are as inept and dopey as you make them out to be.

          For an actor, having to accept work of this nature must be quite humiliating. There is little to get excited about when an actor’s resumé includes the words ‘As Seen on TV.’