You Are What You Eat?

          There is an old adage, ‘you are what you eat.’  That must mean that my neighbor, a tall, willowy, young miss, eats fresh air sandwiches on a regular basis.  And, she probably washes the whole lot down with water from a secret spring under her house that contains not simply zero calories but negative ten calories.

           By the same standard, I must be the one who hooks herself up to a vat of cream each mealtime and slurps strawberry smoothies with wild abandon.  Which, trust me, I don’t do, so I consider it grossly unfair that I should pack on the pounds just by looking at food, while others can eat what they like and remain reed slim.

          This dichotomy was recently brought to mind when I read about a little girl who was scolded by her school teacher for bringing an unsuitable lunch from home. Her neatly packed meal consisted of a turkey sandwich, a banana, a small packet of chips and an apple juice.  This, according to the Food Police at the school was completely unsatisfactory.  Where was the milk?  An essential food requirement for healthy growth, they spouted.  Children should be encouraged to eat at the school cafeteria…after all, that’s where good nourishment could be found.

          And just what was the offering at the school cafeteria that day you may ask?  Well, there was certainly milk.  Added to that there were trays and trays of greasy, fried, chicken nuggets.  Eat enough of those sweetie pie and you’ll be wondering why you waddle when you walk.

          But that’s how it seems to be in this day and age.  Even our TV advertisements seem to contradict themselves.  This fact was actually pointed out to me by a very new immigrant to our fair shores recently.

          First, she said, we stare at lovely slenderized lasses extolling the virtues of one diet eating plan after another.  The one a viewer eventually chooses is dependent entirely on how good a sales job the TV lass has done at the time, for there doesn’t appear to be much difference in the actual food.

          Then, my friend continued, not ten minutes later (usually in the next commercial break) a voice-over is telling us that we should all pop over to Joe’s to enjoy a mouthwatering pizza as only Joe can make it.  Or, how about those hamburgers with juices dripping, and with bacon curling around the succulent meat pattie?  Try pretending they’re just as good for you as a salad of spring grasses and twigs, if you dare.

          I’m fully aware that we, as a nation, are horribly overweight.  But, suggesting that we all try an e-diet which, although delicious to look at tastes like soap slices on grilled tree bark is asking too much.  At least it is asking too much of me. 

          On the other hand, if I could look as svelte as my slender neighbor… perhaps a regular diet of fresh air sandwiches is not such a bad thing?