Riding Along In My Automobile

         

          As I was walking past one of the local automobile yards here, I noted their new shipment of cars lined up in neat rows, each identical to the other both in color and style.  Row after row after row.

          Although these cute little cars were Fiats, it reminded me of the time I was dating a young man whose pride and joy was a Volkswagen Beetle.  That particular make of car was very popular with young people in Australia in the 70’s and 80’s.  On any given day Volkswagen bugs…almost always white…lined streets and packed parking lots.

          My boyfriend loved his Bug and thought it even more special because his was black.  An unusual color for a Bug at that time and the only black Bug I’d seen anywhere in the city.

          So it was on a beautiful Saturday morning that Tom and I decided to spend a lovely day at the beach soaking up the rays and perhaps catching a few waves.  At the time I lived in a beach suburb which became extremely busy with an influx of sun worshippers from inner city areas on any given weekend.

          And, on that particular day, prior to descending onto the sand, I needed to make a quick stop to pick up some dry cleaning before the store closed.  Not a problem.  But, since every available parking space along the road was taken, Tom decided to double park outside the dry cleaning establishment while I made a quick dash inside.  I was gone no more than two minutes.

          With my dry cleaning slung over my arm, I ran to Tom’s car, jumped in and said: ‘Okay, let’s hit the beach.’

          ‘That would be great…but, I think my wife has other plans for us this morning.’

          My head swiveled toward the unknown voice and I stared wide-eyed into a pair of blue eyes I’d never seen before.

          How was it possible that a complete stranger had a car exactly identical to Tom’s Bug?  And how in this strange world did it come about that said stranger double-parked his black Bug in exactly the same spot Tom had been only minutes before?

          Who can answer the mysterious questions of the universe?  All I know is, I felt like a complete twit, as I incoherently mumbled umms and ahhhs and then brilliantly asked: ‘Where’s my boyfriend?’

          ‘Don’t know sweetheart.’  He pointed past my head and toward the open window.  ‘But that’s my wife coming down the street now,’ he grinned.

          With a multitude of ‘I’m sorry’s,’ tumbling out of my mouth, I backed out of his car and, standing on the sidewalk, searched frantically for Tom.  There he was, parked against the kerb, four car lengths away, leaning up against the door of his Bug, looking in my direction and laughing his head off!

          As I stormed up to him, dry cleaning flapping in the wind, he was nearly doubled over chortling about the hysterically amusing sight he’d just witnessed. 

          When I queried why he hadn’t indicated to me the change in his parking status he just gaffawed some more and told me he didn’t know the semaphore signal for ‘over here dingaling.’ 

          Needless to say, although we still made it to the beach, Tom’s further days as my boyfriend were numbered in the single digits.  Dingaling indeed!

         

         

Jump In My Car

          When, as a teenager I was taking driving lessons, my instructor told me that it wasn’t enough for me to know the road rules and drive accordingly, he advised that I should also drive for every other person on the road within my line of sight.  At the time I thought that was all a bit much, after all wasn’t it hard enough for me to remember all the stuff I was supposed to know without wondering if the blue-haired lady in the car next to me was also clued in?  And what if she wasn’t?  What then?

          Which of course was the whole point and, over the years, following his advice, I have been saved from some potentially nasty fender benders or worse. 

          All this was brought to mind when a friend emailed me the results of a brand new study recently published by the Society of Automotive Engineers.  It seems that after observing some 12,000 drivers over a period of a year, the study showed that 48% neglected to indicate lane changes and 25% zoomed around corners without the appropriate signals.  This lackadaisical approach to road rules when applied to US drivers as a whole, translated to 750 billion instances of signal neglect and an estimated 2 million road crashes per year.

          Now I’m fully aware that in this rotten economy a job that pays a living wage is a good thing to have.  But is it really necessary to do a study of something that is patently obvious to anyone who drives?  At least in Hawaii most drivers have no idea what the little lever attached to the steering column is for or, if they do have an inkling they’re not about to let other driver’s in on the secret by using it.

          I have been behind a driver who suddenly decided to change lanes, drove for a half block or so and then just as suddenly veered back into the lane in front of me; all this without once dropping a hint of his intentions.  The fact the driver was a police officer in a marked police car stopped me from doing anything dumb… although my mental tirade directed at the back of his head was quite brilliant.  And no, the gentleman in question was not on his way to apprehend some bad guys but, more likely, didn’t want to be late for lunch.

          This inability of driver’s to flick a little lever leaves me puzzled. 

          I can remember in days of old when cars weren’t equipped with such modern marvels and to indicate a turn was a major production.  The window had to be rolled down, the arm extended outside the vehicle in plenty of time to allow the car behind to see the flapping appendage.  Too bad if it was pouring down rain or the temperature was hovering around freezing, it was what you did to avoid getting smacked in the bum by the following car, and it was required by law.

          I’ve actually reverted to doing this on a certain road I drive quite often.  I need to do a left hand turn from the median, with an immediate second left hand turn into a driveway.  So that the driver behind me isn’t confused by my intentions, I indicate with my signal and also shove my arm out the window halfway through my first turn, hoping whoever is sitting on my tail gets the message.  So far I’ve been lucky.  I shudder to think what will happen the day a following car doesn’t understand what blinking lights or waving arms are all about and cruises up my backside.

          So, I’ve come up with this great idea.  Would some smart GPS guy ask the tiny woman who sits inside the gadget to add, ‘turn your indicator on..’ before advising any turns or lane changes?  If the driver didn’t do as instructed, a stinky gas would waft from the GPS unit.  This would surely encourage all the dingbats to do as they’re told in the future.  Well, wouldn’t it?